So awake in my tiredness

Have you ever been so tired that you are totally awake?
Your thoughts rattle around your head as you ask yourself a million questions that you can’t answer
The cold seeps through your thin clothes but your fingers are busy typing so you don’t dare to stop to turn the heat on.
It is 2.30am and here I am typing out what’s in my head because I want to keep writing
I want to write every day.
I have these crazy thoughts that I can make it as a writer and a poet.
Never mind the thousands. No. Hundred thousand other writers and poets in the world. I have a shot in hell.
Why do I tease myself so? Why drive myself crazy in this way?
I heard my niece say “You are what you believe yourself to be”
That makes me an international best selling poet.
But no one really reads poems anymore. They are old news and unwanted.
Aren’t they?
My tortured soul would like to sleep now but my cold fingers want to keep typing.
As if there was hope of somehow writing a master piece right now in this moment.
I love free writing like this and just writing out whatever my thoughts are. I will endeavor to do this more often.
For now my freezing cold toes tell me its time to log off and go sleep.
In the morning things will look clear and I will see that I am who I have always been but not who I so desperately long to be.
The world and reality can be so cruel sometimes.

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5 thoughts on “So awake in my tiredness

  1. YES!!!! I totally understand this feeling! I should be sleeping yet there’s this restlessness in me that keeps me awake – wanting to write my thoughts, feelings and dreams out.

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